Well, we've made it. After the false hopes and false dawns a year ago, as any competent mathematician could have told you - and in fact as this less than competent mathematician did tell you... this is the end of the millennium. The logic is, was, and remains simple... You are one year old at the end of your first year of life, not at the beginning. You are two years old at the end of your second year of life, not at the beginning. You are 2000 years old at the end of your 2000th year of life, not at the beginning. And December 31st 2000 is the end of the 2000th year. Let's party!
Back in June we got a letter with our BT bill saying that "by popular demand" BT were going to do away with all these little discounts (we have a Home Highway with Premierline, Family & Friends - and Call Waiting apparently!) and replace them with a single simpler plan which "would still save you money on our standard rates" (ie. it'd be cheaper than no discounts at all - but more than your current bill... I can't really believe an increased phone bill was by popular demand though!). Anyway, the letter went on that if I rang BT I could choose a different plan or if I didn't bother they'd transfer me to the most suitable plan, etc. Last week I got a bill from BT. Our 'standing charge' - which includes a 'free call' allowance of about £13 - had gone up from £29 a month to nearly £42 a month. An increase of nearly 30%. I rang BT and got Family & Friends/Talktime/Just Talk or whatever it's now called cancelled as my phone bill is less without the discount plan! Give everyone that bought shares in BT a free trip on the railways, that's what I say. Then renationalise them. Margaret Coles went to Cardiff on the choo-choo recently, the train left Tiverton Parkway at 6pm and arrived in Cardiff at 11.30pm. Time in car Tiverton-Cardiff: usually under 1½ hours. Let the Train cause the Strain!
I had a strange revelation the other day which I'm sure that you'd wish me to share with you! My tormented mind has for years struggled with the question "why do toilet rolls disappear so quickly?" Well, I spent a little time and worked it out - but now I'm more puzzled than ever. There are 240 slices on a toilet roll. A family of four, using an average of four sheets a day, would use 28 sheets a week. Add in 2 more for visitors. That's 30. So a single roll should last a family of four for eight weeks - two whole months. So why am I forever looking at an empty roll. Where does it all disappear?
We were pleased to welcome the Rector into the Bradworthy News Wine and Wisdom team the other evening. He did rather well, which is more than can be said for two members of our team, who simply weren't paying attention. Not to the questions, anyway. The downside of having the Rector in the team was that we all had to bow to his superior knowledge on certain types of question. The religious ones. Unfortunately he rather blotted his copybook when he got one wrong. In fact, the only one! So, in case you're asked in which book of the bible does the story of Samson and Delilah get told - the answer is "the Good book"!
Not much of a contribution from our regular space fillers at the back of the magazine this month. I understand that Margaret is too busy as she's been frantically tidying up her house - but you'll have to ask her why!!
Thanks to Amy Hewitson, aged 9, for the cover this month. As is usual the January issue is a small affair so let me have any dates, etc by the 28th December as I shall be too busy celebrating the start of the new millennium to have much time for the magazine.
Harpy Xmas and a profitable new millennium.
Disclaimer: Whatever Tony writes is whatever Tony writes. Whatever Richard writes is whatever Richard writes. Whatever Cecil writes is whatever Cecil writes. etc. Stories of the formation of a Lower Village Citizens' Protection Unit are unfounded, however cash donations to the Victim Support Fund are more than welcome, what with Christmas nearly upon us, etc.